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In a rare celebrity coup, Gaz Topp, erstwhile star of "How 2" in which he starred alongside the avuncular Fred Dineage, was seen making a high profile visit to Dean Park yesterday.
The sinewy Welshman popped in to wish manager Gorgo1 the best of luck for the rest of the season, having seen the team secure a valuable and well-deserved point against Legends.

However, what should have been a day of celebration ended on a sour note.
During his visit, Topp left a small Donnay bum-bag containing his flip-flops in the area of the bus stop outside TanFastics, which has subsequently gone missing, and is presumed stolen.

Anyone that might have seen the item is encouraged to contact the club - there is a small reward being offered by Topp's representatives of a nearly intact packet of Toffos and a bag for life.

Topp, who prefers to be called Gareth Jones nowadays, was unavailable for comment.

This is Crime Report Elton Flange signing out.
And remember - don't have nightmares.